Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Nipple Smiles

Wow, how long has it last been since I posted? Over two months? That has to be a new record for me. Sometimes bloggers explain this with things like, "Forgive me! I've been traveling from country to country, filming tv spots and learning three different languages each time." Or sometimes, "I just started this new relationship and we are so enthralled with touching each other, I could not give it up for a second!"

But I haven't been doing anything particularly exciting. A couple of months ago, I burned my nipple cooking. I was topless and had the frying pan going. I reached really far over to grab something on the other side and a (literally) searing pain hit my nip. I yelped and leapt back in terror, glancing down at my poor nipple which looked like someone had drawn a black line with a Sharpie across it.

Later that day, my boyfriend's sister texted me her daily pic of her kid. I had been trying to slow the onslaught of these pictures for some time, with no avail. The kid pictures were always done in a mass text and stupid people who own iPhones always want to mass text back. Unfortunately, on my Android this shows up as a unique text (not part of a group text) from a number I usually don't know which is incredibly annoying. One time, it got me into some hot water.

Anyway, I decided to use this scorching opportunity to try to slow the deluge of pictures. After I got my daily baby pic, I chose the mass-text reply option and wrote out my burned nipple story, sending it to whomever received the mass texts - knowing that her other kids' teachers and respectable adults were often in the group. Of course, I wasn't counting on Boyfriend's parents being in on the mass text and thus, receiving my XX story.

His dad texted back pretty quickly, "That is quite the story Bexxx. hows everything going besides the scandalous injury?" and his mom followed with, "I'm sure everyone that [sister] sent that picture to will love your nipple story.... i certainly did!!! I'm also glad to know you're keeping [boyfriend] entertained!"

But [sister] saw right through me, "No matter how many nipple-related reply-to-alls you send back, u cannot get off the baby photo recipient list.... sorry about your boob tho...it probably looks more cheery now that it has a happy smile."

For those of you who are wondering, my boob is better now. A light scar decorates the nipple, but it's hardly noticeable. I considered using Neosporin on it but Googled, "neosporin nipple" before doing so, in order to ensure that it wouldn't burn my nipple off. The results were terrifying - it was mostly new mothers talking about how their children had ravaged their nipples while breastfeeding with teeth. I am even terrified now, just thinking about it. So yeah, in addition to the scarring just from giving birth, ladies get to look forward to savages feasting on nipple skin. The miracle of life!

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