Monday, January 9, 2012

There's a Normal Reason Why My Ass Hurts Today

To give you an idea of what's going on RIGHT NOW as I type this, I just realized I forgot to wear underwear today. Additionally, I am eating leftovers from last night's drunken dinner - fresh potatoes chopped into fries, baked, and covered in pork gravy and goat cheese. I'm only having a few so it's not so bad but let me tell you that these are fucking delicious. I want to bathe in them and then lick my own body all over. I want to open a restaurant and serve only this bastardized poutine and watch it become New York's hot new restaurant 2012.

I'm also listening to Ms. Jackson on Pandora and taking a short break from my cray day at work so this will be quick. 

Boyfriend and I went to a family party in Westbury on Saturday and we decided to save money and bike out there and back. 24 miles each way - no problem! We figured it should take just over 2 hours and we got to buy ourselves new helmets (I was seriously so excited... a far cry from the days when I would do anything not to wear a helmet).

Sunnyside to Westbury, via bike


It took roughly 3.5 hours because we had to keep stopping and redirecting ourselves. We NEEDED a bike GPS and we were trying to get by just using Google Maps for bikes on our phones... Maps and memorization. There was a lot of "Okay, we'll be on Jericho Turnpike for 2.5 miles, then right on Royal, left on Raff, right on South 10th, left on 2nd, right on 12th. Okay, let's recite and memorize so we can maybe ride for 20 minutes without stopping."

The best part was we were able to ride on a path called the "Brooklyn-Queens Greenway" which cut through a few parks in Queens. We rode right by that giant globe and the two pillar-things from Men in Black (or the World's Fair... whichever turns you on). We rode over steep and long, gradual hills and my thighs screamed for relief but we kept on plugging. 

One thing this ride highlighted is our vast personality differences. It can basically be summed up in this: He is a Virgo and I am a Sagittarius

Where he likes to plan and compare and think, I want to barge ahead and JUST DO IT. I get absolutely furious when someone tells me my limitations without telling me how I can avoid them. Boyfriend is inclined to ask (mostly reasonable) questions which makes me rage because I just want to GO. I don't have time to hear what I can't do - just tell me how to keep moving! I work my life around the assumption that everything will fall into place if you just keep plowing. 

This inherent difference is what makes our relationship work. Without him, I would be a drug addict with serious money problems - tricking on the side - and without me he would be the most boring person ever with absolutely no adventures. Seriously, this is a general consensus in his family about my poor, white bread Boyfriend.

So our signs lead us to have heated words often. Not a lot of heated words but a few strong ones like YOU ARE NOT BEING HELPFUL and FUCK YOU! or JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, PLEASE FOR ONCE, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. But that's it - we yell and then it's over. We return to normalcy and productiveness and we work together to bike 25 miles to Westbury where everyone is impressed with us and we learn that biking an extreme distance is a wonderful ice breaker. We laugh and maybe down the road, someone will apologize for the earlier stings, but it doesn't matter - we know they don't mean anything.

Then we work together to decide that we do not want to do that again in the dark, still GPS-less. We bike three miles to the LIRR and buy a ticket. We lose one ticket and get angry that we will have to buy another one on the train at a premium. We get lucky when we regale our tale to the conductor and he says "Don't worry about it, I'm cool." (Boyfriend incorrectly predicted that he was all-business so this was an amazing relief) Our new cool conductor friend also doesn't ask us for bike passes ($5 each). More relief! We bike the half mile home and proceed to move as little as possible over the next few hours.

On Sunday, I had a breakdown when I realized that I officially own zero clothes. Shopping spree for me this week! Boyfriend took it in stride (You have tons of clothes, how can you even say that? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!) and offered to take me to Macy's immediately, just to get me to shut the fuck up, for once. Instead, we biked into Manhattan and met up with friends to watch the Giants destroy the Falcons, buzzed-biked home and drunkenly made our delicious poutine. OMFG, I wish I hadn't eaten it all because I just want to shove my face in it all over again.

To finish up this fairly bland post, I will tell you that my ass fucking hurts from all that biking, I am still at work and still have a shit ton to do. I am going to the chiropractor again tonight (had an MRI on Friday - hopefully we can see what is up *back* there!) and this time, I am keeping my pants on. I am listening to "From this Moment" by Bryan Adams and Shania Twain... obviously this has inspired my next couple's duet. I will also tell you that tomorrow will bring another Ireland post - this one from New Year's Day. It has a little bit of everything: deception, dancing, drinking, Scrabble and fights.

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