Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Sloth Love

I LOVE sloths. Sloths have been my favorite animal since... I don't know. I would say sixth grade, pretty much around the time when I'm certain I learned of the beautiful creature. I must admit, there was some cross-over penguin and sloth love, soon after Waddle the Penguin came out in 1995. Fun fact, Waddle and I share the same birthday. When I was in 3rd grade and Beanie Babies were the coolest thing ever AND penguins were my favorite animal, this pretty much felt like mind-blowing fate. Sadly, my Waddle is back in my hometown *sad face* Gotta get Mommy to send that down to me.

Waddle the Penguin likes to dress up/Every night he wears his tux/When Waddle walks, it never fails/He always trips over his tails!

Okay, back to sloths. When I tell people that sloths are my favorite animal, they always answer "Really? You know they actually grow mold because they move so slowly?" in a jerky, incredulous manner. On the rare occasion that someone laughs in a friendly, joyous manner, we instantly become best friends. I love the sloth's gentle manner, the way they move so slowly, and seriously... their little faces?! So adorable they could break your heart.

Recently, however, there's been some sloth bandwagoning. I was pondering this on the train today as I sipped coffee out of my sloth mug, while wearing my sloth necklace. I'm pretty sure it all started with that adorable video of a baby sloth getting a bath. People were all, "OMG, so cute! Can't believe I never realized how cute these moldy creatures were until now! NEW FAV ANIMAL 4EVA." And this wasn't just random people on the internet but In Real Life people who actually mocked my love!

Sloth mug, courtesy of Boyfriend

I became angrier and angrier as I thought about all of the people who thought sloths were gross, all of the people who mocked my love, all of the people who weren't there when I dreamed of trips to Costa Rica so I could see a sloth in person! Fuck them, I thought to myself, they won't stick around. (These are actually the things that I think about while riding the train because I am that self-involved and crazy). I imagine this is exactly how a Bills fan would feel if the Bills ever made it to the Superbowl again.

Sloth necklace, available from marymarymaryhandmade

Okay, on track again. This morning, a video of Kristen Bell on Ellen changed my feelings on Sloth-wagoners forever. If you haven't seen it, I provided it below and you must watch it RIGHT NOW.

I realized, hey, I haven't loved sloths since day one of sloth existence or even my life. Admittedly, my first thought was HEY! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I LOVE SLOTHS AND HE'S NEVER DONE THIS FOR ME!

But once I got past my personal lack of sloth-providing boyfriend, I continued to realize that it's not like I have a sloth sanctuary or am pro-active in the sloth community at all. In fact, I have no real claims to sloths at all and thus, welcome all sloth bandwagoners. I'm no better than any of you and the more sloth love, the better! These little guys need all the love they can get!


FYI: Drag Bingo  (at Mix Cafe in Astoria) was almost exactly as one would expect it... AMAZING. Basically, you got a bingo card and, if you won, you got to partake in a Minute to Win It challenge. I did not win, sadly, but not unexpectedly because I never win at games of chance.

SundayMorning Mimosa was performing and 1/2 of the duo happens to be Boyfriend's sister's best friend from college. More exciting news: Anita Buffem will be the minister in my future wedding as she already promised.

You may kiss the bride! Credit: See-ming Lee

I found out that gay people don't hate me, despite my previous (unfounded) certitude that they did. Other than that, the bar was pretty much as you would expect... Full of hot guys, games and boozy drinks. We ended up staying out LATE and we both called into work the next day, lounged in bed and ate pizza. Not exciting but the best Friday of 2012 thus far.

Okay, one last thing... There is this new meme that I am certain a Gawker writer took advantage of in order to get more hits but I had to partake. Here is my photo:

How pissed is Morti? That picture is almost meme-worthy itself.

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