Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I'm Working On It

Okay, so I know that I promised you the New Year's Day story from Ireland but as I began to write it, I realized the details in my head were a little foggy. Luckily, I'm meeting Slaw in the East Village after work for some drinks so I will be able to work out the kinks then.

I will tell you that in an attempt to stay with my New Year's resolution to get back in shape, I biked to work yesterday! It's only 5 miles each way but I was pumped because that meant that I didn't have to buy a Metro card anymore. Despite some head-on winds in Queens and my burning thighs from this weekends adventures, the ride was easy and fun. I did have to ride through the craft services section of a movie crew because they had the bike lane all coned off. They were all like "Heyyyyyy!" and I was like "MOVE YOUR CONES JACKASSES!" because when you're on a bike, you wield all the power.

Then I got to work and went to the freight elevator because, when I worked out all the permissions on what I had to do in order to bring my bike in the building, this is where they told me to go to get to my floor. When I actually got to the elevator, they seemed completely oblivious to what the rules were. Eventually, the security guard gave me permission but not before she warned me, "We are making a one time exception to let you on."

Bewildered as to what happened to my permissions, I brought my bike in and figured that I would just start sneaking it past the front guards and into the main elevators. I shouldn't be using the freight like some second class citizen anyway! That was before my Logistics Manager forwarded this email (my additions italicized):

George,

One of your employees came in with a bike today.  Please note that because of the large construction redevelopment project that is going on at the building, we filed an exception request with the DOT (Department of Transportation) so that we would not have to comply with the bike law until the construction project is completed.  The project is wrapping up and we will soon be able to have a formal bike plan in place.

We did make an exception today and allowed your employee in but we will not be able to continue allowing this person in. (Even without my bike? Am I supposed to be here today??)  Could you kindly inform him/her of this?

Thank you.

(Vornado Property Manager)



Him/her. Ouch. I don't even get a proper distinction. Anyway, it's probably all for the best because I almost got wasted on the way home by some guy making a last minute right turn. Remember when I said, "when you're on a bike, you wield all the power"? This only applies when facing fleshy humans... not 3 tons of crisp white steel.

Edited to add: Today I am wearing a shirt that I didn't realize was see-through in bright light until today. This is the second time I've worn it to work. I'm listening to Loretta Lynn, "There Goes My Everything" which, upon hearing, triggered my suspect that I drunkenly sang this in karaoke recently.

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