Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My Demanding Puss

25 years + Christmas

The weekend before my birthday, I went out and had tons of white trash fun as we strolled around some dive bars in the Lower East Side/East Village. There wasn't much of a turn out, due to aforementioned reasons (I can't even tell you how many people were cramming for finals) but one of my friends from home was able to join and even participated in a round of 3:30 AM karaoke.

On my actual birthday, I received a HILARIOUS Spongebob card (I should post a picture here later), worked for a little bit and mostly waited for a package from my mom at home. The present inside was eerie because I was thinking, "I don't have any fun, jeweled, red, Christmas, going-out tops," and that is exactly what was inside! So that all went well.

Later, Boyfriend and I were packing for our train trip home the next morning and suddenly, Morti (my pet LADY cat - despite the misleading name) starting behaving very strangely and peeing in little squirts around the apartment, struggling to do so. Since she never goes outside her box, I was fairly concerned so threw her in a tote bag and took the subway to an emergency pet hospital nearby. I suspected she had a UTI, based on some minor research on Google, and the vet charged me $250 to confirm this and give her some antibiotics that had to be administered twice a day.

This presented a problem because the cat sitter we had arranged specifically stated that she didn't normally do medication, unless told during the consultation. I sent her an email anyway and called my friend Slaw to request a favor. Originally, I asked if she could take Mort into her apartment but she seemed understandably reluctant due to landlord constraints so I asked if she could just stop by after work and give Morti some meds in exchange for beer.

Our train was leaving at 8:15 from Penn Station and it takes about 30 minutes to get there from my apartment. At 7:15 I was freaking out because I hadn't heard back from Slaw and hadn't heard back from the cat sitter. We were going to have to miss our train and the the one train that goes all the way to my hometown was sold out for the next few days. At around 7:40, I had an affirmative confirmation from Slaw and an "I will try to give her the meds" from the cat sitter. Everything worked out! It was time to sprint!

I, of course, had a massive bag while Boyfriend managed to cram all of his belongings for a week into a tiny bag. So, while he was flying along, I was struggling to drag my oversized, giraffe print bag until I demanded we switch, leaving him with my boldly printed bag. With the transition, we were able to sprint through Penn Station ("Run, Run Rudolph" was running through my head, reminiscent of Home Alone) and barely make it onto the train before departure. We did it!
My luggage set... I was using the largest bag with the medium one stashed inside
(in anticipation of my present haul)
Once home, we were relaxing and celebrating my belated birthday with my family [I got the coat below, plus a new jacket, gift cards and Betty Crocker's Rainbow Chip cake (which is better than Funfetti)] but I was starting to get a little nervous about Morti-cat. I sent out emails/texts to Slaw and the cat sitter, praying that everything had worked out despite their lack of communication. The cat sitter said she couldn't administer the meds because she didn't want Morti to distrust her and Slaw said she did but I was suspicious.

Calvin Klein Wool Blend Belted Coat

Distressed, I told my mom who immediately declared that we must drive back to NYC the next day and pick Morti up. Relieved, I accepted Operation: Save Morticia - an 11 hour round trip - so we drove downstate in the morning, got some Thai food and Pisco Porton (my new liquor obsession - it is incredibly smooth...get some immediately if you can), gave my mom the "tour" of the apartment (it consists of standing in the middle and looking around), picked up The Mort and returned back home. There she continued to struggle so with some further research, I suspected that she was actually constipated so went to our local vet and got her some Laxatone which she deplores but it really helps.

With Morti seemingly back on track, we went out and saw many of my friends, had a lot of laughs, et cetera, et cetera. Then we drove to Albany and met Boyfriend's dad who drove us the rest of the way to Rochester for Boyfriend's family Christmas Eve party. Morti became mildly distressed and started panting (WTF?!) on the way but I think she was just car sick because as soon as she shoved herself in a crevice, she was better again. So we had laughs and celebrations again and all was merry and bright.
 Morti's Glamour Shot by Boyfriend's Brother

Last night, we drove back to NYC in a rental car, but not without trying to give Morti some Benadryl to knock her out first and prevent car-sickness. She did not take well to it and immediately started severely foaming at the mouth. "OH MY GOD! WHY? Fuck me. I did this to her! She's going to die!" was my initial reaction but I once again turned the internet and found that apparently they do this to get the awful taste out of their mouths. Relieved again, we loaded up and headed out. The drive back was rainy, fogging, filled with idiots and generally horrendous but we made it and Morti is back safe. I think if we would not have picked her up, I may have come home to a dead cat.

One thing I learned during this trip is that yes, if I ever accidentally have a child, I will become my crazy, obsessive mother. Maybe that's not such a bad thing so that someday I can make an emergency trip to NYC to pick up my misguided daughter's cat.

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