Thursday, December 1, 2011

Five Nickels (Or My 25th Birthday is Coming Up)

I'm stressing big time about my birthday. I want to start out by saying that I LOVE birthdays - everyone's birthdays - but especially my own. My mom always made sure my birthday was a big deal even though it is six days before Christmas and can easily get lost in the mess. Not only that, it's 12 days after my younger sister's birthday so you think my mom would be burned out but nope! There was always plenty of attention for me.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, my birthday is six days before Christmas (December 19th). Everyone knows December birthdays suck not only because of Christmas/Birthday joint gifts but also for these more specific reasons:

1) The weekend before Christmas weekend, many people have family/work holiday parties that they've already committed to. Yes, they can come out after but we all know they're getting too wasted.
2) People have already headed home for the holidays. They've got a few days off before Christmas so they're taking a few extra days and heading home on the 18/19th.
3) Weaker people than myself get sick in December. I prevent illness by drinking wine in a hot bath.
4) If friends are still in college, then it is not unreasonable to have a final on/immediately after my birthday. I was lucky enough to never have a final on my birthday. Although, I wouldn't have gone anyway.
5)The weather is fucking terrible. A couple of years ago, I had some friends up and we had a ridiculous snow storm in NYC. We went out but I have the feeling everyone was miserable because the city basically shuts down when it snows.

Plus, last year I think I celebrated one of my least favorite birthdays in recent years so I'm still traumatized. I set up a brunch that, besides Boyfriend, I only invited 4 people to - 2 girlfriends and a couple - in order to lessen the stress on myself of having a big to-do and not having people show up.

The weather was beautiful that day and the brunch place I picked out was supposed to be delicious. One girlfriend (Slaw) showed up. The other one kept saying she was coming and then was like "sorry, can't make it!" The girl in the couple said the boy was sick and they couldn't come out.

After a forgettable brunch, Slaw, Boyfriend and I met up with Slaw's sister and got some drinks in Brooklyn as Boyfriend and I were going to a cookie showdown at the Bell House later that evening. This was the highlight of my birthday, and I'm okay with that because afternoon drinks with friends is one of my top favorite things. Things went down from there, however, as Boyfriend and I went to the Bell House and the cookie showdown was mediocre as best. The cookies weren't that great and it is really hard to eat 16 full sized cookies in order to judge them all. I made it through about 6 before I decided I was ready to be outtie.

A few days before Birthday 2010, I had also drunkenly agreed to adopt my despised ex-boss's dog. This was before I openly hated him. Now, I knew I had to get all the roomies on board and for the first three, it wasn't a problem. It was Roomie 4 that was going to present some resistance and I hadn't fully formulated a plan to get him on board.

On December 19th, 2010, the New York Giants lost their chance to be in the Superbowl and, seeing as Roomie4 is a HUGE Gman fan, he was none too pleased. I did not know this event occurred.

When I drunkenly came home, I consulted my equally inebriated Boyfriend and the inebriated Roomie 2 and I decided that the best course of action for convincing Roomie 4 to come to my side was to go up to his room RIGHT THEN and ask him to adopt a dog and tell him that if we didn't agree to adopt it, it would be put down THE NEXT DAY. DEAD. Forever.

Under pressure, he agreed, a little reluctantly but in mostly good spirits (again, I was drunk so judging emotions may not have been my strongest skill at the time). "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I yelled joyfully (intoxicated-ly) as I bounded down the stairs to share the good news.

As sat on the couch and thought to myself this was the best birthday ever, Roomie4 came down the stairs.

"Yo, I think it's kind of fucked up the way you brought that up to me. Like, you're not even going to give me a chance?"

"Oh, I mean, Roomie4, we can talk about this more. I didn't think you would think it was a big deal."

"Not a big deal?? Seriously! You just come in here and do whatever you want and nobody ever consults me."

"What? I just asked you about the dog...what do you mean?"

"I mean, you living in Chris' room, the cat..."

"Whoa, the cat wasn't my idea... the cat just wandered in here!"

"Yeah but you were the biggest proponent for the cat."

"It wasn't just me!"

"Fine, you and Roomie2. Either way, that's not the point. You think you can just do whatever you want and you were only supposed to stay here for a few months and it's been like 5 months now and there's no sign that you're leaving."

"Whoa, okay," I said, as I tried to compose myself and keep the tears that I felt at the back of my eyes from exploding onto the scene. "Um, I didn't even know that you didn't want me here. I thought everyone was happy with me here because I help to clean up and try not to use the shared facilities too much and cook and brought all the board games and..."

And it was too late. The floodgates opened and I was drunkenly blubbering while tears gushed from my beautiful eyes.

"No, I'm just saying that you weren't supposed to be here this long and no one consulted me. And that it's fucked up how you approached me with the dog and that the fact the cat is here is mostly your fault."

After this, I don't remember much more except that I couldn't stop crying and that it was my BIRTHDAY. Yes, I brought this on myself but seriously, to air all your grievances on someone on their birthday? I don't care what the offender did, that's whack. Birthdays should be sacred days, like Sunday Truce on the hit former HBO show The Wire.

Anyway, if you're reading this and you happen to be dating me, I wasn't just talking the other night about how throwing someone a surprise party for their birthday is the ultimate declaration of love. I was actually very heavily hinting at what I wanted for my birthday. To spell it out: SURPRISE ME.

2 comments:

  1. BAHAHAHAHAHA

    I am thinking that after all those stories, this birthday has to be a hit!!!

    xx-

    www.samplesize16.com

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  2. What a pleasant surprise to find all of these recent posts! Early xmas gift courtesy of Bexxx! Wooo!

    PS: I, personally, had a lot of fun braving the snowstorm of 12/19/09. The only exception being that scary homeless guy on the metro with the rod in his back.

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