Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Couple of Blips

Blip One:

The other day I was watching King of the Hill with Boyfriend when I noticed that a character was being voiced by a celeb. Since Boyfriend is the CHAMPION of picking out celebrity voices (it's really amazing), I asked who it was:

Boyfriend: "Hmm... I recognize the voice but I don't know the guy's name. He was in Multiplicity, though, and he did a voice on the Simpsons."
(I quickly Google character's name on my SUPER FAST 4G LTE THUNDERBOLT! BLAZING FAST SPEEDS).
Me: "Wait, is it Michael Keaton?"
Boyfriend: "Is that his name? I don't know... I don't know who that is." *Pulls up still from Multiplicity* "It's this guy."
Me: "That's Michael Keaton! Batman?? Beetlejuice?! Maybe you've heard of these characters!"

In case you've never seen Boyfriend and I argue, there is a lot of yelling and mocking, complete with hurtful personal attacks. It's just how we communicate. But seriously? MICHAEL KEATON.

Blip Two:

I LOVE my new job. It very stress free, my boss is amazing and I have my own office. Yes, it was converted from a (big) storage closet but it is all mine (except for the two days a week when a girl from HR is here) and I scratch my crotch all day in it because I can.

During the three other days that I am alone, people normally knock on my door to come in or alert me to their arrival somehow. Not this one guy in HR (whom I will Bartie because that is a terrible name) who insists on barging in whenever! I suspect it is to catch me doing things like blogging or maybe scratching my crotch but I'm not sure why he chose me to attack.

He is also responsible for putting potential employees on a computer for a skills test. There are three computers in the hallway outside my office specifically designed for this purpose. One day, he said all those computers were occupied so could he put someone in the spare computer in my office. I reluctantly allowed it but indicated that I was not pleased.

Fast forward to him constantly putting people in my office, even when the outside computers aren't being used AT ALL. (And seem to be working, judging by their screen savers) I promised myself I would say, "Hey Bartie... is there something wrong with the other computers?" But I haven't had the balls to do it yet because I am still the newbie here. Instead, I've decided to attack passively aggressively because that's easy and I've honed my skills in the trade.

First, I would just immediately leave my office and go chat with my friends but I was afraid that looked unprofessional, though everyone does it all the time. Then, today, I decided that I would just leave my Pandora on while the guy was taking the test. Brilliant! He might even complain when he went back to Bartie's interview. Note: Bartie knew I had music on and didn't ask me to turn it off before the guy came in.

So my music is playing and the song "The HIV Song" by Ween comes blasting through my speakers. For those of you who aren't familiar it goes like this:

And if you don't want to listen to the video, it's basically just Ween gently playing guitar and saying AIDS! AIDS! H - I - V! Though it is not as pronounced in this video, it was very clear what they were saying on Pandora.

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I was quiet laughing a little so I turned the song up slightly to cover up my chuckles. If that doesn't get me my private space back, I don't know what will.

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