Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Surprising Wedding

Dandy's wedding was amazing. I cried no less than three separate times and had no less than 15 Jim and Diet Cokes (and one tequila sunrise).

The ceremony was held on a golf course, overlooking a small "lake" (more like a pond covered in scum with one fountain, but it looked nice on the wedding day). God blessed the newlyweds with some sunny, balmy weather though one crow did cry repeatedly during the ring exchange. Boyfriend (Dandy's brother), a groomsmen in the wedding party, cried during the ring exchange because he's a softie. In fact, nearly everyone in the families was crying except me because I couldn't hear jack shit.

When Dandy's bride, Lish, walked down the aisle, she looked absolutely stunning. Her dress was this unique lace get-up that was fitted perfectly to her slender body. The bottom was slightly layered and belled. It really was the most gorgeous dress I've seen all wedding season, based on pictures I perused on the Facebook.

The actual ceremony was short and sweet and afterward, everyone meandered toward the bar and dinner tent. I was the first in line, of course, and got the party started. Everyone mingled for awhile, getting to know everyone, etc etc and eventually it was dinner and toast time. Lish's father started it off with a very touching toast that had everyone, including himself, tearing up. Her sister followed up with a maid of honor toast consisting of childhood memories and sisterly admiration.

I was anxious to hear what Dandy's best man, Wilby, had to say, hoping he would express the shock that I was still going through. Dandy literally started dating Lish on New Years Day, 2009 (with the hot pick-up line "isn't it weird that no one at this party is making out?") and married her a year and a half later. It's like a celebrity wedding. I also couldn't believe that someone as reasonable, attractive, and intelligent as Lish was going to marry smelly, douchey, Dandy.

Wilby did open up his speech with how, once word started to get out about Dandy, people would come up to him saying, "Dandy is getting married? DANDY??" and eventually touched on how douchey Dandy is. One of his examples included Dandy proudly laying vicious hockey hits on girls in high school (one girl later commented that she thought that Dandy had broken her jaw from a hit). It was a great best man speech, filled with laughter and lighthearted memories. Since this was mainly a marriage of atheists, there was nary a bible quote in sight.

After our delicious dinner (I had steak, but there was also salmon and chicken. The steak was tender and flavorful, even though it was far from medium rare) the real party started. The bride and groom had their first dance (Louie Armstrong -Wonderful World) which was shockingly touching, again remembering how Dandy was such a douche to various girls. The father-daughter dance followed (My Girl) and the mother-son dance (Neil Young - My Boy) closed the series off. Boyfriend and I were nearly in hysterics during the mother-son dance; in my defense the lyric "My boy, why are you growing up so fast?" was not really a fair attack.

Then everyone drank and danced. Well some people danced. Highlights from this included one couple sneaking off into the woods to go bang, a girl puking in the bathroom and some of the sickest moves this town has everyone seen, courtesy of me and Dandy and Boyfriend's brother-in-law. There were many hours of open bar but I think after some guy puked, they shut it down early. We eventually started leaving and before we got into the car, I hugged Boyfriend's sister, SnatchyMomma, and drunkenly said, "You're the best pseudo-sister-in-law ever. Will you take me to the Olive Garden tomorrow?"

Boyfriend's dad had me beat, though. After his 15 G&Ts, his wife told him to get in the car and he responded, "Don't tell me what to do, you old bitch!" with a giant smile on his face. Weddings are just so magical.


  1. I'm not douchey! I'm awesome! There's a thin line between the two.

  2. hahahaha now that you're commenting on my posts, I have to think back to see if I said anything bad about you... I guess I'll just have to wait and see