Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Stalking Goes Public, Part Two

So I added Whorezahan to my buddy list. I was hoping that she was one of those people who constantly updated her away messages like "hAnGiNg w ThE bOi n' NOT wAtChInG MoViEs, NaH mEaN ;)?" so that I could have a reasonable idea of what they were doing with their lives. Because, like I've admitted before, I AM TOTALLY CRAZY.

Unfortunately, she never updated her statuses so I was left trying to decipher what they were doing based on how long she was idle or active. It was truly sick but whatevs, only God can judge me (sidebar: wouldn't that make a good tramp stamp?)

Nearly three weeks after they started dating, I was attempting to contact my friend, MehMeh, to see if she wanted to hang out next time I was in the Tri-State area. I brought my (despised and now deceased) MacBook to a sitting area that doubled as a high-traffic hallway at my college. I perched up at one of the many tables that lined that hallway and opened up my Mac, excited to see that MehMeh signed on AIM at that very same moment.

"HEY!" I messaged.

But she oddly didn't immediately respond. I looked closer at the screen and noticed that instead of IMing MehMeh (sn: Sweetqt32), I IMed Whorzie (sn: Sweetipi02).

"FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!" emitted from my mouth and carried down the hallway as I slammed the top of my MacBook and ended the IM conversation. All surrounding conversation ended and all passerby stopped to stare at me and my foul mouth. A couple of people asked me if I was okay and I mumbled an assurance in reply but moments later most had gone back to their own business.

I gathered my thoughts and realized that my super obvious screen name (Spongebexxx19) was going to give me away and the best thing to do in this situation was just to lie in the bed I had made. I slowly opened my computer back up and immediately received a message from my ex-boyfriends new lay.

"can i help you? whut do u want?"

"Listen, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to IM you. Your gay sn is nearly identical to my friend's gay sn."

"y iz my sn even on ur bl?"

"I put it on there because my boyfriend broke up with me for you and I wanted to see if you would put any shoutouts in your away messages or profile"

"u need to get outta my business. u want to see my fb page and u got me on ur bl. get a life bitch"
"and i don't do 'shoutouts' i'm not in middle school"

"I'm really sorry I know it's crazy but it's only been three weeks so I just haven't made sense of it yet."

"i dont have time for this bullshit so u need to get ur shit together"

And on and on it went. She got progressively more ghetto and it ended with her accusing me of being obsessed with her (true) and me correcting her with, "You need to get over yourself because I don't give two fricks about you." (I was trying to cut back on my swearing at the time) I don't actually have the convo any more because it was saved on my Mac which died in January of 2009. Sadly, even though I emailed it to basically everyone I knew, it seems to have disappeared from The Internet leading me to conclude that she has used her Muslim connections to clear it from the aforementioned Internet. I do, however, have this response email from C's sister, SnatchyMomma...it seems to sum up the chat perfectly:

OY GEVALT!
...I like her comebacks... She's like "I'm too mature to do a shoutout" and it's like 'bitch, please... we've all seen your myspace profile and it isn't exactly dripping with maturity and intelligence'....
You were pretty level headed throughout the whole convo, except when you called her sn gay (nice dig!). She set an aggressive tone right off the bat with the "I don't have time for bullshit" line, so she comes off looking like a snatch right out of the gate.
I'm curious to see if she puts on a big act for me and my dad when we're in NYC, like she is some sweet little law student and not a ghetto C.U.NextTuesday!!!
Little does she know, my dad has seen her myspace and I will fill him in about this little IM conversation on the way to NYC... I want to make sure he knows what she's really like. If there's one thing my dad hates, it's bullshit...and she is so full of it!
Oh, and what's a sweet, innocent, devout little muslim girl doing using words like 'bitch' and 'bullshit??'.... she should go sit in the corner and recite the Qu'ran for hours as pennance to Allah!
PS- I liked how you used the expression "I don't give 2 fricks"...classic!

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