Disclaimer: This is a long ass post but I didn't realize until after I posted it and I didn't feel like breaking it up into bits so just... take it.
A few hours after I accidentally IMed Whorzie, I sent C a text that said “Hey, I accidentally IMed Noor. I like her ghetto flava! Hope you enjoy that.” He quickly replied, “If she hadn’t been on your buddy list then she wouldn’t had to go “ghetto” on you. You shouldn’t have done that.” I defended my actions, “I know I’m sorry, I put her on awhile ago and wanted to take her off” (false) “but I was using my Mac and I didn’t know how to remove people!” (true). Coldly, he responded, “She blocked you so now it definitely won’t ‘accidentally’ happen again.”
If I wasn’t sure that C was over me before, his curt text messages and rudely placed quotation marks should have made it clear that he certainly was now. However, I can be extremely dense and convinced myself that he was going through some sort of quarter life crisis and just needed some time. I continued to take advantage of my single girl status and have fun with ShaSha. Since we were both freshly single, we were able to work off each other to maximize our game.
But then The Unthinkable happened. Three days later Whorzie (whose FB status at the time was “is in love with gummy worms, according to [C’s full name]”) changed her relationship status to single!! I couldn’t believe it! I immediately grabbed my phone and called my mom to tell her the good news, bounding in joy around the living room the whole time. Moments after I noticed, Dandy came downstairs and looked equally joyous. “Did you see?” he asked, eyes open in blissful shock. “YES!!!” I yelled, doing a couple of happy spins and fist bumps.
After I told everyone the good news, I was dying to know what happened but I knew I had to play it cool. I didn’t want C to know that I was stalking every movement of his life. I waited one EXCRUTIATING day. I spent most it imagining that any moment C was going to call me and tell me that he couldn’t believe what a mistake he had made and that I really was the girl for him. I mean, they broke up only days after I IMed her and only a few days before I happened to be going down to NYC (which C may or may not have known)?! Too many coincidences if you ask me. I knew I would be getting that call any moment. When the first day went by I figured that he just didn’t want to admit his mistake – he never liked doing that. But nothing …even on the second day. I decided to make it easier for him to admit so I called him.
“Um… so I noticed that you and Noor broke up. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.”
“So…I’m coming down to New York this weekend to visit Slaw. I don’t know, would you maybe want to get lunch or something? You know, as friends.”
(distractedly) “Yeah, yeah we could do that…”
“Where are you? It sounds like there are a ton of people around you.”
“I’m at a party.”
“It’s a Wednesday! I guess law school isn’t all work!” (awkward laugh)
(defensively and angrily) “No. It is a lot of work! There just happens to be something going on.”
“Oh. Well yeah, I guess you guys have to blow off steam somehow. Anyway, I’m supposed to come down early on Friday…maybe lunch on Saturday or something?”
“Yeah. Fine. Whatever.”
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, C. You can just tell me.”
“No. No. It’s fine.”
“Alright, well I’ll give you a call when I get there.”
“Sounds good. Bye.”
The conversation left me with a strange feeling. Part of me wanted to be giddy that I was going to be seeing the love of my life again but part of me felt like it wasn’t going to be the kisses and reunions that I imagined. So I just took it as it was – a simple lunch between friends.
The next day, as I was packing, my phone started ringing. I looked down and saw “Cunty Douche” which is what I had changed C’s name to in my phone (I originally deleted his number to help stop me from calling but it was fruitless because I have this insane memory for phone numbers so I could just dial him whenever I wanted). I knew it! The call I was waiting for! I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the shower of compliments and groveling I was about to receive.
“Nothing. Listen about lunch this weekend…I was wondering if Noor could come with us.”
(in disbelief) “What.”
“I was wondering if Noor could come with us to lunch.”
“I heard what you said. I just couldn’t believe it. Why would you ask me that?”
“Well, I’m fasting for Ramadan and –“
“Wait, what? You’re fasting for Ramadan? You’re an atheist! Are you converting??”
“No! I just wanted to see if I could do it!”
“Oh. Weird. Are you guys going to get back together?”
“I don’t know, maybe. We’re discussing it.”
“Oh.” (yelp and laughter in the background) “What was that?”
“Noor just suffered from a straightening iron burn.”
“Gross. I don’t think that lunch is such a good idea.”
“Well, good luck getting back with Noor. Goodbye.”
I slammed my phone on the ground in fury. And then I started to cry. Big, heaving tears that would break your heart if you ever saw them. I cried and I cried and I cried. Then I vowed never to talk to him again because now I really, really, REALLY hated him. And for a long time, I succeeded but it was devastatingly hard not speaking to someone who once loved me so deeply and now clearly hated me.