Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Textcidents

Besides the fact that I once booty texted a wrong number leading to a misunderstanding that nearly left me hooking up with a complete stranger, I've experienced/been involved in a few embarrassing text accidents, evidenced below:


Situation One: Boyfriend hasn't seen me in awhile and feels urge to inform me of his fondness via text.

Boyfriend: I miss you and I think your tits are top shelf.
His Mom: I think you meant to send this to bexxx. I'm glad to see you two are getting along though!

I already have a pretty good idea of the Freudian analysis of this occurrence and it's not promising for my future.

Situation Two: Roomie and I have both been friended on the almighty Facebook by a mutually despised high school acquaintance, Skankall. I'm explaining via text why I hate her:

Me: Once, when I was trying to reignite the fire with (first boyfriend) we went to a party down the street from her house. She found out and rode her bike down there and tried to woo him away!
Roomie: What is wrong with her. She is a psycho.
Me: I know. I was like, wtf Skankall?? I'm standing right here! I mean I understand (first boyfriend) was a monster in the sack but come on. Have some respect.
(First boyfriend): Hey b, I assume this was sent to the wrong person? Hope all is well!

To this day, I am unsure how I ended up sending that to him. I guess when I was typing Roomie's into the name field to reply, (because my phone was ghetto like that...the dickish phone wouldn't just let you hit reply, you had to actually enter the person's name EVERYTIME) I was thinking about my first love and decided it was time to let him indirectly know my assessment of his sack skills and typed his name instead?

This last one doesn't have to do with texting per se, but since it involves a cell phone I'm including it anyway. Artistic decision and what not. Plus it's MY blog so fuck tha h8ers!

Anyway, I was talking with one of my home friends, a guy a couple years older than me, while he was clearly at least two sheets to the wind. He was excited because he had just moved into a new place and gotten a dog and blah blah blah. He was flipping through his phone pictures, showing me bland evidence of these various achievements. Then bam! Full frontal, spread eagle picture of his girlfriend. I yelped and averted my now scalding eyes. "Sorry," he said, "I figured that might happen." HE FIGURED?? Basically he was saying he knowingly led me into that situation and did nothing to prevent it, leading to a severe eye raping.

Flash forward 9 months when I meet his girlfriend in person and while I'm smiling and shaking her hand, all I can think about is her wide spread vagina. In fact, I'm trying to picture her face now but in my mind where her smiling visage should be, there is instead a massive snatch.

So my 1.5 handfuls of fans, any other tales of texting gone wild? Times when you wish a text wasn't permanent? Do share, I live for the embarrassments of others!

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