Monday, May 10, 2010

Tucker Max is a Pussy and That's Coming From One

I am re-reading Tucker Max's notorious I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, a book about the drunken escapades of a STI-riddled frat douche. Moderately hilarious, super blowhardy. Anyway the point of this is that in his very first story, the one that is supposed to paint the picture of how little he cares about anything, of how wasted he gets, of how completely absurdly he lives his life, he mentions that he wakes up at 8 AM after a night of drinking and blows a .09, a shade above the legal limit.

I, too, once owned a breathalyzer (RIP). One blurry Wednesday morning, I woke up at 9 AM, the very time that I was supposed to be at class, rolled over and grabbed my breathalyzer. Wearily, I blew with all of my strength; .16, twice the legal limit. In disbelief, I waited a few minutes and blew again. Same. Later, to ensure that it was working properly, I blew in it sober; .00.

Yes, your thoughts are correct, I am indeed more ridiculous than Tucker Max. Or, at the very least, I am a better drinker. This is an official challenge to the King of the Douches himself, drinking contest! Of course, I am a ripe 23 and he is an aged 30-something so it may not be fair, but the challenge is there. And it would be a girl's dream come true.



Edit: I'm further along in the book and no one is more ridiculous than Tucker Max. Jesus. I'm just ridiculous because I'm a girl. But I still stand by being a better drinker than him.

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