Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Ridiculous Tree

My mom is ridiculous. Some of her most notable absurdities include never ever apologizing, keeping a stack of magazines as tall as me in the corner of our kitchen to be "read later," and closet racism (which she will deny to no end). So I electronic mailed her a text copy of Typical, assuming she would find it as hilarious as I. Instead, I was chastised for a "racist rant," and scolded for being foolishly confrontational with these words of wisdom (remember this is after being scolded for being racist):

The "Typical" part of the response was lucky...because also a "typical" response of black people and many other, minorities especially, is just to stab someone who "disrespects" them by questioning their judgment or behavior. It's crazy, but this is the world we live in. The whites who didn't assist were probably thinking both: Yeah this music is annoying AND What the hell is wrong with this white confrontational bitch? Shit, if she's gets stabbed by these stupid "n's" the blood's probably going to get all over my thousand dollar suit!! It's better to have the music mentally stabbing you then the people actually physically stabbing you. You did read about the black guy who stabbed another guy with a box cutter, several times, at 3am at Pizza Bono over SPARE CHANGE left on the counter?!!

I defended my post, explaining that it was not a racist rant but just a true recounting of something that happened to me. In fact, the only racist rant was from the guy on the train yelling about white people. I know racist rants when I see them... I have them nearly every night with my roommate about Latino men [she may or may not be involved in homewrecking a Spanish Common Law marriage (the least official of all marriages) and this results in all sorts of telenovela style dramz]. Anyway, my mommy had these suggestions for me to make it less racist:

I guess perhaps another way it would seem less racist to me is if it were more like: "What you don't want to do is approach a black person on a crowded subway and...because they'll...." Or: "I'm not prejudiced...I see blacks, whites, whatever the same...so I'm on the subway and ....happens, so I approach the people, as I would anyone, ...but what I find is blacks do not take this the same way as a white person might...."

Oh Mommy, thank you for helping to form me into the ridiculous girl I am today.

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